Befriending and Defriending

20 Sep

August is Single Awareness Month. And yes, this is self-proclaimed.

I know too many people who changed their Facebook relationship statuses from “in a relationship” to “single” last month. Maybe it’s the moon and the starts conniving to slap us into reality, or perhaps it’s plain coincidence.

I, myself, became single. Good thing? I don’t know. I shouldn’t discuss it here anyway. But one thing that August surely taught us is that if it’s not in Facebook, it’s not official. “It” being the relationship. Our news feeds confirmed what others have been talking about offline – X and Y breaking up, Y getting it on with Z, etc. Full story here.

And so I arrived at that too familiar path of lefts and rights – to delete the ex or not. Of course, pretending to be rational, I should weigh the pros and cons. And this advice applies not just to exes. It’s one step closer to maintaining your online reputation, babies. So here it is:


Here are some questions you should ask yourself before clicking that Remove from Friends link:

1. How is this person related to me?

Is he/she your friend-turned-enemy in highschool? A colleague you are not in good terms with? Your ex-boss who fired you? A new ex?

2. How often do I see this person?

Chances are, the more you see the person offline, the more you should think twice of deleting him/her in your network. Same, simple reason – it’s gonna be awkward. I’m telling you. Trust me. If you go to the same office together, give retain friend one point. If he or she is an enemy way back in highschool, and that person still gets into your nerves, give remove friend one point.

3. How bad is the situation between us?

Try reaching out offline one more time. If your differences are too irreconcilable, you know which side gets the point.

4. How much does the person impact my life?

Are you in the same department? Does he or she hold a position that would be beneficial to your goals? Because let’s admit it, in this world of corporate gangsters, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know. So it’s time to adopt a future-oriented perspective and think how this person might be of help in the future.

I know it still is hard to decide whether or not you should delete that person in your friends list. But you must always befriend and defriend Facebook contacts. You won’t maximize your social networks when there’s too much clutter. It’s time to rethink who should stay and who should go.

If you’re having problems deciding, just leave a comment below. Maybe we can work something out. πŸ™‚

As for my ex, yes, I deleted him. >:)


15 Responses to “Befriending and Defriending”

  1. Zid September 21, 2010 at 12:14 am #

    I must admit I clearly have a bad sense of managing online friendships. I’ve come to realize that more than half of my “friends” on Facebook are people that I rarely even had the chance to actually get to know. But then again, I don’t like burning bridges. I could use some of them for my evil plans in the future. *evil laugh*

    • slightlydillydallying September 21, 2010 at 1:16 am #

      I do the same thing as well. I avoid burning bridges. The corporate world is quite small. We do not know who will become of great help in the future. The trick maybe is to manage online feuds as civil as possible. Wouldn’t want to ask a favor from an online arch enemy. More than that, wouldn’t want him/her to be my boss. So might as well remain ‘friends’ (if that’s what you call it).

      • slightlydillydallying September 21, 2010 at 1:19 am #


  2. slightlydillydallying September 21, 2010 at 12:31 am #

    Yes this is true. It is through Facebook that everything becomes official. Seemingly, shifting from an ‘in a relationship’ to ‘single’ status in FB is similar to telling people that it’s over.Although I still see some couples reuniting and returning to their previous descriptions.

    I prefer not disclosing my relationship status in social networking sites (you know why, right? haha). But if I am faced with the option of deleting an ex and not doing so, I’d probably just stay offline. Maybe the reason companies do not encourage romantic relationships between their employees has something to do with the extent of damage it could entail. Come to think of it, if they exchange foul words over the Internet (say in FB walls), it is not unlikely that they will do so even in the workplace.

  3. sarahforward September 21, 2010 at 2:00 pm #

    Hey Gel, this is a good post. I’ve been wanting to clean my Facebook friends for some time and your post made me think twice before removing some of the people from my list of “Friends”. I mean, some of them I don’t really know and I hardly talk with. So the points you gave really helped! :)And besides the kind of relationship that really matters is how you treat each other offline.

  4. KC September 22, 2010 at 9:47 pm #

    Like Zid and Ninin, I avoid burning bridges as much as possible. I guess it’s because my Facebook friends that I don’t know naturally go unnoticed, and I don’t want them to get the impression that I am a mean girl by deleting them. Who knows, having them as friends will be of use someday. ;P

  5. Pattydc September 24, 2010 at 4:11 am #

    I don’t like burning bridges just as the next person. With my SNS though, I’ve always been “picky” with accepting contacts. It’s nothing personal really. It’s just that I’m not comfortable with the idea that strangers know things about me when we don’t really know each other (haha).

    Buuuuut, I won’t lie. I’ve deleted someone from my contact list. I deleted my boyfriend’s ex. She kept calling me names. I saw no point in keeping her as my contact. So there πŸ˜€

  6. dreamsanddoodles September 27, 2010 at 1:57 pm #

    I think everyone can relate to this post. Whether it’s an ex-bf/gf, an ex-friend, or just someone you have a conflict with, it’s gonna be awkward if you could still feel their presence in your online community.

    I’ve also experienced this situation when I had a fight with someone. I was weighing the options whether to delete that person or not. In the end, I decided not to delete him. I didn’t delete him not because I didn’t want to, but because we still have to work together until now and more in the future(NO, THE PERSON IS NOT FROM UPM).

    Today, we’re not friends anymore and we just have a “professional relationship”. Whenever we see each other, we just put up with each other because we have to finish our tasks and we need to work together.

  7. Comm Detective Eric Wong September 29, 2010 at 10:32 pm #

    I just “defriended” somebody on FB. As in just now! Haha. I’ve been meaning to clean up my contacts list for a while now and in the past few weeks I tried doing just that. I believe that the principle when it comes to friends online is that it’s really more about the quality of the relationships, not the quantity.

    My basic way of knowing whether I should add/delete contacts in the social networking sites I’m a member of is by asking myself this: Will/do I talk to this guy/girl in person?

    Now of course sometimes I still ask myself more questions. Nonetheless, I do hope that this may provide some help to those of you who wish to do some “contacts cleaning”. πŸ™‚

  8. minustheinkstains September 29, 2010 at 11:13 pm #

    I am happy to say that I have left my Friendster habits at Friendster and I no longer accept everyone who gives me an invite. Yippee!

    But I am also like the other, I find it hard to burn bridges, so I don’t do it at all, or at least, I don’t delete people from my account. Instead; I use certain alternatives,like removing them from my news feed so I don’t have to see their faces everyday, or restricting their access to me.

    This is really more convenient for me, since there may come a day, no matter how unlikely, that the dust will settle (in other words, I might need him/her). πŸ˜€

  9. blahblahblogsheet September 30, 2010 at 9:30 am #

    Back when I was still new in facebook and still not addicted, I just kept on adding and confirming people as long as they’re at least part of my acquaintances. But now, I ignore them most of the time. I remember there was a month were I deleted half of my “friends.” Right now, I only allow small circle of friends to see my profile. What’s the point of you being on my page if I really don’t know you at all right?

    And Angel, I, too, celebrated the Single Awareness Month *hug* I believe that it’s the right thing to delete the exes. πŸ™‚

  10. morethanscribbles October 2, 2010 at 4:49 pm #

    When deciding on whether or not to accept Facebook contacts, I usually see whether or not I have met the person offline and I’d know based on the number of our mutual friends. πŸ™‚

    As for those whom I really have no idea of who they are, I ignore them. But in terms of defriending someone you really know, I am not comfortable with burning bridges just like them. πŸ™‚ Maybe it’s a matter of tweaking your accounts so you don’t get to see updates from them and vice versa. Because you never know what the future holds, Gel. πŸ˜‰

  11. niccy October 2, 2010 at 7:23 pm #

    I do online friend clean-ups every once in a while just to check if I’m still or is still to keep valuable friendships or connections with people in my online social world.

    I have discovered that I delete three to five people in my friends list at least every 2-3 months because I see no point in them being included in my online social circle.

    It’s a healthy practice,I believe, since I’ve been ranting out pretty often in my wall posts. I don’t like the idea of just anyone knowing what’s going on in my life or in my head. I need exclusivity.

  12. chocostraws October 2, 2010 at 7:39 pm #

    This post is super ‘benta’.

    On the second thought, I think that if a contact is your enemy, all the more you should not delete him/her on FB. Because if you are at war with this person, and say you are competing against one another, it’s better to know what actions the person make.

    In the case of organizations, monitoring their competitors actions Online is very critical. This would help them to know what actions they should take or what things should be done. Knowing is always half the battle.

  13. littlebluedreamer October 2, 2010 at 9:54 pm #

    Angel, as of this moment I have 33 pending friend requests, most of which are from people I don’t know. It started to increase when I promoted our viral on over a hundred Fan Pages in Facebook. It’s part of the promotional damage as sir Barry said. I don’t want to burn bridges either but it will not be considered burned if you didn’t built anything in the first place, right? So I am very careful in adding friends, even though I have a couple hundred of mutual friends with them, I still turn their requests down, because I have NEVER met them before, and I don’t plan to do it. πŸ™‚

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